he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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