remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
