i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
