2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
