oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
