shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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