okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
