I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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