Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize