I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
