So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
