You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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