im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
