So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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