please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i out mim tonsoeep
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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