Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
