I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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