Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How's work?
Spinning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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