Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
