My cat gives me a boner
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
