When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
