my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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