I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
false alarm, still single
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