There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
