spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
