sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
