im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
