i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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