Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
