Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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