I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
