That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
