Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
