i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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