The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
