Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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