so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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