I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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