i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
