I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
