I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
