I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
