i think i have herpe
just one?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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