just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
