you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
