nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize