You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And then he peed in my hair
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