ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
