It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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