I must be too annoying 4 u.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
