She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there was a trapeze. enough said
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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