Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
