My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
