so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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