How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
