I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
