It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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