cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
