No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
