Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
