thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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