i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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