i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
