plz talk dirty to me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
