I am full of burrito and curiosity
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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