no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
