her vagine was all disorganized.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
