why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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