Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize