Dual....:-)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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