I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
