Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
