When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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