You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
