my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love you. Go after that dick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
