Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
