did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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