I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
