You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
