That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry about my life...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
