Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
