I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
