It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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