words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
