I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
two words: eviction party
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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