I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize